Can my marriage be saved?

Are you going through a troubled relationship, and asking yourself, “Can my marriage be saved?” Well it can. If you and your partner were once in love, then that can be rekindled, and it can be even better after saving a marriage. Do not despair. There is hope. I have been through this trauma as I have written in my saving a marriage testimony.

Marriages are struggling more today than they did even a couple of generations ago, yet the emotions in a close intimate relationship between two partners have not changed at all. The desire for your partner to be loyal, the jealousy if s/he is not, as well as guilt feelings, often denied, in the cheating spouse are still there as strong as ever.

A society with more personal freedom has its pros and its cons. A part of the downside is that there are more temptations together with lower inhibitions against succumbing to those temptations.

Love is a deep emotion and if you did love each other once, then you can save your relationship. A useful guide on restoring a broken relationship is how to save my marriage. I wished I had this kind of help when I was trying to repair my relationship with my wife.

What is the reason for the problems in your marriage?

• Is it a cheating spouse? The emotional hurt can heal.
• Is it that you do not communicate any more? This can be fixed.
• Are you drifting apart for no apparent reason? This situation can be turned around.
• Have you suffered abuse or domestic violence? If so you are not alone as the article on domestic violence fact and fiction shows. An abusive spouse is a clear sign that you should break up.

One of the main reasons for a cheating spouse to look outside the relationship or when a couple begin to take each other for granted, is a misunderstanding of what love is. We are exposed through media, the entertainment industry and romantic novels to a false idea that there is kind of “perfect marriage happiness” that does not require any effort, and confuses two different feelings: love and infatuation.

A survey found that the time before each partner starts to take the other for granted, lasts on average two years, six months and 25 days. With average length of marriages before divorce being about eight years, there has to be something fundamentally wrong with our society that is causing this.

We also live in a society where things are disposable. Things can be disposable, but not feelings. People and relationships are not disposable. Our media and entertainment industry seems to forget what marriage is about. Or maybe they cynically are all too aware. Happy marriages are not news, intense emotional traumas are.

Let us leave those traumas to celebrities who gain notoriety, publicity and therefore Dollars from the turmoil in their lives, which they seem to thrive on. All we get by following their examples are our own ruined lives.

One of the major causes of relationships breaking up is this unrealistic idea of what love is.

What is Love?

Love in a marriage starts with infatuation. “Love at first sight” is not true love, but either infatuation, lust or a combination of the two – at first sight.

The infatuation stage is a period of unselfishness. Even psychopaths are unselfish during this time. The purpose of infatuation is to bond. The butterflies in your stomach, the constant thought of your partner, the desire to be with him/her as much as possible, are to help you bond, and for love to establish roots and germinate.

A myth about love from the entertainment industry and romantic novels is that true love is “and they lived happily ever after.” This gives the impression that the infatuation persists. It does not and is not supposed to.

One day one of you wake up and that buzz is gone. You have not “fallen out of love.” You have moved on to the next stage. In fact this is when the process from infatuation to love has crossed over to be more love.

• Infatuation is an immature emotional state.
• Infatuation is intense, but superficial, as is shown when, one day, it is gone.
• Infatuation does not require active work It sort of on autopilot.
• Love thrives when we are actively engaged with each other. Love, like anything worthwhile in life, does need some work.
• Love is a mature emotion.
• Love is less intense, but has depth , develops and matures with time.

We are meant to move on.

In Greek there are three words for “love”

1. Eros is the erotic aspect of love.
2. Philos is a brotherly or platonic form of love.
3. Agape is a mature unselfish love.

We need to develop a mature agape love to have a long sustainable and happy marriage, while we nurture our philos and eros love.

If there are strong emotions during a relationship breakup, then there is a strong chance love is still there. An excellent help how to handle a relationship break up can be found in the guide How to save a marriage.